There are no words to describe the past few weeks … To call it an adventure falls short. A distraction, doesn’t do it any justice. A journey, maybe, but I’m trying not to have an end destination in mind at any given time. I am not running away, nor am I running to. Though I may be looking for something, I will allow it to find me. I now know that I am strong, capable and worthy, just as much as the next human. No less, no more. I am home within myself.
Traveling across the my country, I am proud to be an artist in the middle of such a corporate hustle. Logistics and problem solving have always been an asset of mine, thankfully. Living life day-to-day and not constantly a slave to a scheduled calendar is the greatest blessing of all. Though it is lonely from time to time, I find those moments come with the most self-reflective clarity I’ve always been one to travel with a tribe, and what a different experience to rediscover your tribe in other people and places without hesitation. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by such like-minded and open souls. So grateful to be performing with some of the most creative artists I’ve ever met. Humbled in making pizza with some of the most incredible folks I’ve ever met at a festival of mind-blowing (and yes, mind-numbing) proportions. I have never been more confused, yet more clear on which direction to step forward in. One day at a time. I am rediscovering my worth. Owning my power. And not afraid to live it.
Learning to sustain one’s self on the road is a constant, somewhat selfish flux. What do I need? Where do I want to go? How should I approach this situation next? And while it feels terribly tragic to be so selfish (yes, I feel selfish), it also is so liberating, that it’s worth the stereotypical struggle.
Life on the road is everything I wanted it to be. Sure, I wish I had a bigger car, with a trailer and maybe a surf board strapped to the top, but I am content in my Corolla (that now has four new tires). Currently I’m in Orlando, headed for Miami to participate in Mama Gena’s Women’s Retreat and then back to Orlando for the Zen Awakening Festival. November 22nd I am teaching a hoop workshop at Breathe Yoga in Atlanta. Then to Asheville for Thanksgiving with my best friend, and on up to NYC for a few weeks, until I being my journey home. People have been SO kind, I am constantly over-joyed with the generosity and team-spirit that have filled up my experiences.
I love discovering new places, new faces, but most of all I love discovering new parts of myself I didn’t know existed. Where my art fits in and how I contribute to society is a constant learning curve, and as I get older and grow in my art, the more vulnerable I feel, but in the best of ways.
I honestly can’t shake the notion that a part of me has died. My attachment to a certain place or people has vanished, and I am left with nothing. I can now live in the wind. A gentle tickle on the back of your neck. Or in a song you used to know the words to. Reminding you we are all one, at one point or another. We are all in this together. And nothing should stop you from going after what you deserve.
You know when you can’t tell your dreams from your reality, that you are in the right place. Blazing trails and riding rails, for now.
Here is to letting go,
MissConception
Sometimes the most selfless thing to do, is to be a little selfish. Sounds like you’re having a grand time…keep it up! =)
Spot on Sara! As I did my mini-book tour across a number of states, I early on found myself writing a poem about the road and even included the following Jack Kerouac epigraph:
“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
and that sums up my experience on the road, especially the time I was just on my own…it was spectacular to find myself loving my own company and being excited with whatever I would discover! perhaps, we each are just meant to be wandering minstrels or something…. blessings, Paul